just us being smarter than you

The answer should be blindingly obvious. If you can’t quite figure it out, I’ll give you a hint: It involves two fewer idiot children, one fewer potential host for future idiot embryos, and two well-fed dogs.

[Yahoo Answers]

Witness the devastating power of an actual crazy person living a fantasy life painstakingly documented in a series of hilarious/sad forum posts.

This operator—that’s the word for a highly trained special forces member—offers us a glimpse into a world I had no idea existed; one of heavily armed gangbangers unleashing potent weaponry when not enjoying tasty fruit drinks and the latest coin-operated video games.

On this particular fateful day my team was assigned to patrol Sector Zebra-1, the mall. It was an uneventful day, until the unthinkable happened…It was about 8:45PM, and the mall was closing and nearly empty. Me and my ’shadow’ were sweeping quadrant 069E, the mall arcade, a known hotspot for Asian Gangs and assorted thugs. The arcade was located at the far east end of the mall, next to the movie theater and the orange julius.I smelled trouble, and couldn’t spot any movement from the arcade, which was unusual due to the presence of a new Mortal Compact arcade game. Those Asians Gangs love Mortal Combat.

This passage is especially poignant and well-suited for movie adaptation:

But then again I think of the mayors nephew, his face distored with tears and terror, the GAP employees who asked for my autograph, and had to settle for a cover identity’s signature, the flashbangs, and their acrid scent, the small of napalm in the evening breeze, as I crouch behind a shopping cart in the parking lot, the target practice with my dearest comrades and friends, the members of my teams, and our live fire exercises-Can I leave it all behind? should I?

Or is my life better spent as the silent, alert, stalwart, invisible guardian of the free mall…

I cannot tell.

Fade to black. Roll credits.

[Shrine of the Mall Ninja – lonelymachines.org]

I’m more interested in the device Josh Hoffine uses to extract high-definition images from young girls’ nightmares than in the imagery itself, but it must be said that America’s future controversial vice presidential candidates are dreaming up some twisted shit.

[Portfolio – joshuahoffine.com]

I’ve not visited the level of Hell from whence this ad came, but clearly its citizens have very different sensibilities than my own. What sort of monster would want a Zune, let alone three?

If a reality TV show exists only in an unconscious opium haze—as opposed to film, digital or some other medium easily transfered to broadcasters—can it still be referred to as “reality TV”?

At what point does being a geographic area’s Next Top Model™ become no more glamorous than being just an average citizen of said area?

Canada’s Next Top Model operates on the fringes of relevance at the best of times. Clearly, the creators of Alberta’s Next Top Model are delusional. Or scam artists. Or delusional scam artists.

Need I say more?

Ikki Tousen, a Japanese fighting game for PSP, features battle damage to its cast of girl fighters. And by “battle damage” I mean “disintegrating clothes”. This is obviously on my to-get list.

This is super catchy. And totally awesome.

This is old news now, but a little over a month ago noted Filipino bank robber Pedro Rodica was busted out from police custody—after having already escaped once before—by his gang.

“The Philippine National Police will not let this pass, the long arm of the law will soon catch up with him,” [national police chief Avelino] Razon said.

Now, over a month later, a Google News search for Pedro Rodica returns an op-ed from the same week as the original article and a two-week old article about other members of Rodica’s gang, one of whom had also been captured by police but was allowed to post bail and skipped town.

Long arm indeed.

[Reuters]

You do not have to know who Antwaan Randle El is to appreciate this. ESPN debates: Could an NFL kick returner, starting in his own end zone, get to the opposition end zone if a hungry bear were waiting for him on the 50-yard line?.

Watch Antwaan’s facial expression when the host throws the maple-glazed ham into the debate.

[ESPN First Take – ESPN]