Speechless.

I could not possibly write something that could do this video justice. I will say that it is truly bizarre and highly disturbing, yet it lacks whatever attributes might cause you to recoil in horror. I sat helplessly through the entire thing. And then there’s that weird part at the end…

Also: This is why I can never own a shag rug.

I’ve yet to see The Ring but I understand it involves a video that happens to kill all who watch it. I am certain this will eventually be a standard copy-protection mechanism for digital media, but for now it is relegated to plot device in a Japanese horror movie.

If such a video exists today, the above is a strong candidate. The only thing that could make it more frightening is replacing the dog heads with demon baby clown heads, or that puppet from Saw. As it is, I fear the damage it has inflicted may be irreparable. All that was left was to cause you to die in grisly fashion share this remarkable video with you, dear viewers.

Ikki Tousen, a Japanese fighting game for PSP, features battle damage to its cast of girl fighters. And by “battle damage” I mean “disintegrating clothes”. This is obviously on my to-get list.

This is super catchy. And totally awesome.

You do not have to know who Antwaan Randle El is to appreciate this. ESPN debates: Could an NFL kick returner, starting in his own end zone, get to the opposition end zone if a hungry bear were waiting for him on the 50-yard line?.

Watch Antwaan’s facial expression when the host throws the maple-glazed ham into the debate.

[ESPN First Take – ESPN]

Building off your ridiculously disturbing Duck Tales video, I thought this video would make me laugh but mostly it just sent me spiraling into a deep depression. Who would have thought a green felt frog could deliver such pathos?

I can’t say I cared much for the cartoon. What I might say is that I despised it. But this is one case where the transition to live action seems to have improved the product immeasurably.

This is probably foreshadowing a future in which we’ll sorely miss Charlton Heston.

If you have spent nine months gestating in the womb of a woman stupid enough to let her child climb into a fucking game like this, you probably aren’t equipped with a fully-developed brain yourself. And when you do inevitably find yourself in that game, your right to continue living should be forfeit. Ideally, you would not have existed to begin with.